Reflection Time

Earlier this afternoon, I was enjoying some private cuddle time with my Little Lady on the couch. From the patch of sky I could see out the window, the day had gone from steel blue to gray. I decided this was reflection weather. I hadn't had reflection time since before I went in for surgery almost two weeks ago. Since then my mind has been going a hundred-plus trying to figure out this motherhood thing.

When I finally took the time to reflect this afternoon I realized how much I missed the baby in my belly. During my c-section, I was pretty put together emotionally. Not until the moment when I could feel the pressure of the doctors pulling her out did I shed a tear, which led to shedding several. It wasn't pain or fear or even excitement that overcame me, it was a tinge of sadness. I was sad that I wasn't going to be holding my baby inside me anymore. A part of me felt like she was leaving. I soon got over it and returned to my happiness and excitement as the nurse brought her to me and rested her on my chest and I was overcome with relief and gratitude.

My reflection today brought me back to that moment. There still remains a part of me that longs to feel that baby back inside me kicking and pushing and hiccoughing. I think I will always miss that part. But here in my arms was a happy pink baby that I could cuddle and hold and kiss and who's eyes I can get lost in at any given moment.

Then I felt it.

She was waking up and my reflection time was fading away. As she did, her eyes began to open while she was still cuddled in the crook of my neck. My daughter gave me my first ever butterfly kisses today. My heart skipped a beat and I missed that baby in my belly a little bit less...

Loved By My Little Lady,

D