Behind the Times

Yet again, I am almost a month behind on Little Lady's updates. I was doing so well too! Things have been pretty hectic over the last few weeks. I have been wrapping up my last semester of my AA degree in transfer studies, preparing for my next semester (which starts in two weeks) in upper division work, housesitting for a week, and changing wards. But without further ado, here is The Lady's last month.

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At her last visit with Dr. W, she weighed in at 12 pounds and 15 oz and was 24.5 inches long. And here I thought she was a chunker all this time! Nope. A lot of changes have taken place this last month. She has rolled over more and started to say "die" and "guy" and "tata". She has finally changed her mind about baths and LOVES them. She is holding herself up with her arms every once in a while when on her tummy. And she has staring contests with Dexter Dog.

She also outgrew her swaddling blankets which made me really nervous because that was originally the key to getting her to sleep through the night! After one rough night, she was down and out for the count at 8:30 and not a peep until eight the next morning. Whew! That was a close one.

She is such a fun kid. She goes wherever I go and never complains. What a trooper! I truly enjoy being her mom and can't find a real complaint, myself. (Not to say I don't complain, let's be honest...) I really can't believe how quickly time goes by!

Relieved the Sleeping Fairy isn't Swaddle-Exclusive,

D

Down to the Pound

I took Little Lady for her 4 month check-up last week and to get another round of shots. She did great with the first set, the second set was a little more difficult but nothing too dramatic. Since her last check up two months ago, she has only gained a pound and a half. The Dr. W says it isn't anything to worry about yet, but we have started adding a few ounces of formula everyday to help her put on some more chub.

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As of last week, Lady is weighing in at 11 lbs. 12 oz. and is 23 inches long. She rolled over once from her belly to her back, but didn't like it very much. She is also getting pretty good at holding her own bottle. She LOVES to laugh and Nana, Papa, Grandpa D and I all love to make her laugh.

Luring Laughter,

D

Swimming in the Green

The weather has been slowly improving. Seventy degrees and blue skies could not have come soon enough! To celebrate the happy occasion, I decided to try and give Little Lady a bath out in the sunshine - well, the shaded sunshine.

I dug a beach umbrella with a clamp on the end out of the garage and brought the baby bathtub out to the yard; six trips for pitchers of warm water later, I was soaking up the rays while Little Lady was soaking up the bubbles.

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Once she was wrapped up in her froggy towel, she listened to the birds chirping for a little while, and fell fast asleep. It was so nice to enjoy the beautiful day together.

Snoozing in the Sun,

D

Super Late Update

Yet again, Little Lady is about a week away from her next month birthday and I'm posting for last month... Someday I will catch up with her.

The beginning of February called for a handful of pinpricks from her doctor; three to be exact. She did great! She whined for a few seconds and then proceeded to take a little snooze. Whatta champ! She was a little sore the next day, but nothing compared to what I was expecting. I'm not so worried about getting her ears pierced in the near future any more.

Little Lady definitely found her voice this month! She loves to be "a part of" my phone conversations, always putting in her two cents. It cracks me up! She is also filling out her 3 month clothes pretty well, so I've prepped all of her 6 month clothes, although I am really hoping not to dive into that batch too soon!

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She loves to smile and stick out her tongue every chance she gets. And she is as fascinated by our dog Dexter as he is by her. She has started accompanying me to my religion classes at Institute and gets passed around about half a dozen people before the hour is up. She soaks up attention.

All of that attention has apparently been going to her head as she has begun adding tools to her manipulation box of not-so-goodies. The most obnoxious, by far is the "cough". She does this pathetic, repetitious "cough" that reminds me of a ticked-off teen (subtly) demanding attention by clearing their throat and thinking "excuse me!!" Oy vey! This can't have started already!! Luckily, it doesn't happen everyday.

Attempting to Postpone the Pre-teen,

D

Rounding Second

I realize that in just a week Little Lady will be three months, but school has kept me too busy to have posted her two month update, so here it is...

In her second month, Little Lady started smiling (and not just for gas!). It was so fun to watch her face light up and try a million different things to make her smile over and over again. She also started sleeping through the night (8-10 hours)! Knock on wood everyone that she keeps it up!!! We were only up once a night before when she slept in her cradle, but when I brought her into bed with me she would sleep great. I tried to figure out what was different. In the end, swaddling her ever-wandering arms and giving her a heavy blanket was the cure.

She also had her first bottle. It's nice to be able to go to church or religion classes or on a day trip and not have to worry about wearing the right thing to be able to nurse her. This is a big plus for me!

Her legs are getting stronger and stronger. She loves "standing" and can hold her own body weight really well, she is just a wobble-master. When she isn't on her feet, she is hanging out in her bouncy chair (which is the best $20 I ever spent)... She likes to smile and flirt with the dangling woodland animals that she makes dance.

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She is such a fun, happy little girl. I feel so blessed to see her smile every day and night (yes, she smiles in her sleep... must be some good dreams!). She is getting bigger by the day, weighing in at almost 11 lbs and 21" long. Some of her newborn dresses are now 3 month shirts... Oh how time flies!

Tossing a Watch Out a Window,

D

The Present of the Present

Sometimes I feel like I am running out of time. I'm notorious for planning excessively and anticipating too much. When I was doing theatrical improvisation for a few years in high school we trained and trained on how to stay "present": how to block out past and future and just thrive in the moment. I've lost sight of a lot of that training. I am sure it has a lot to do with how much of a control freak I can be (not that I get that from either of my parents or anything...).

I am so used to rushing things, not necessarily because I want to move on, but simply because it usually meant I was functioning at optimum efficiency. That's not the case with motherhood. I've been trying to re-train myself to be present. To "stop and smell the roses", for want of a better phrase. 

Most of the time when I am doing homework, Little Lady is right there in my lap; sometimes awake, sometimes asleep. I have to constantly remind myself to take breaks for more than just her crying or feeding. I am doing better. When she "talks", I talk back (I know it's just a matter of years until that switches). When she sleeps, I pause to just watch her little belly when she breathes. I love to watch her when she focuses her gaze at different things, even if I can't figure out what it is, I take a few seconds to try.

I guess that's what being a mother is all about, not that I have it down or anything... I have realized though, that it's about trying. It's about being there for my Little Lady even if she doesn't need me at that moment. It's being present. I've tried to take the phrase, "I can't wait until..." out of my vocabulary, because, you know what? I can wait. I waited 22 years to meet the first little spirit that Heavenly Father wanted to bless me with. I can wait any number of months or years to hear her first vocalize her thoughts, or fit into those shoes, or take her first steps or go on school field trips together. 

When I was still in the hospital after Little Lady was about two or three days old, the nurse came in around 2:00 am to take her for some routine tests. I don't know if it was exhaustion, or the feeling of being overwhelmed, or brief onset of postpartum depression, or a combination of them all, but I broke down. It was the first time since she had been born that she was being taken from me and I couldn't go. I had to stay in bed. It hurt my heart. I thought about what it would be like when she grew up and took off. How it must have felt for my parents and their parents... I think the 18 years it takes to prepare a child to become a self-sufficient adult simultaneously prepares a parent to let their child go off into the world.

If I could have it my way, I don't know if I would choose to keep her a tiny baby for any longer than she probably will be. I guess it is best that it is not my way, but His way. I'm glad their is someone who can see the big picture, so I don't have to everyday. I am forever grateful to have a Heavenly Father who has offered us an eternal perspective, but only expects us to work towards it one day at a time- even one decision at a time. I am thankful for the roses He has put on the Earth and the time He has given me with my daughter to smell them.

So tomorrow, I'm taking Little Lady to smell some roses. Lead by example, right?

Unwrapping the Gift of the Present,

D

No More Newborn

Time has definitely zipped by! Little Lady has already gained three pounds and gone up a clothing and diaper size! My goodness! I am truly enjoying every day and looking forward to the little surprises that come along the way.

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Looking Ahead With One Month Behind,

D

Bubbles Baby

I was half-excited/half-dreading Little Lady's first bath. All I have ever heard was that there was nothing more slippery than a baby in a bath... Oy vey! With a lot of help from Nana, we got her squeaky clean at least for a little while!

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A Little Relieved, A Lotta Damp,

D

Reflection Time

Earlier this afternoon, I was enjoying some private cuddle time with my Little Lady on the couch. From the patch of sky I could see out the window, the day had gone from steel blue to gray. I decided this was reflection weather. I hadn't had reflection time since before I went in for surgery almost two weeks ago. Since then my mind has been going a hundred-plus trying to figure out this motherhood thing.

When I finally took the time to reflect this afternoon I realized how much I missed the baby in my belly. During my c-section, I was pretty put together emotionally. Not until the moment when I could feel the pressure of the doctors pulling her out did I shed a tear, which led to shedding several. It wasn't pain or fear or even excitement that overcame me, it was a tinge of sadness. I was sad that I wasn't going to be holding my baby inside me anymore. A part of me felt like she was leaving. I soon got over it and returned to my happiness and excitement as the nurse brought her to me and rested her on my chest and I was overcome with relief and gratitude.

My reflection today brought me back to that moment. There still remains a part of me that longs to feel that baby back inside me kicking and pushing and hiccoughing. I think I will always miss that part. But here in my arms was a happy pink baby that I could cuddle and hold and kiss and who's eyes I can get lost in at any given moment.

Then I felt it.

She was waking up and my reflection time was fading away. As she did, her eyes began to open while she was still cuddled in the crook of my neck. My daughter gave me my first ever butterfly kisses today. My heart skipped a beat and I missed that baby in my belly a little bit less...

Loved By My Little Lady,

D

D-Day Breakdown

I can't believe that my Little Lady has already been with us for over a week! It has been such a joy to watch her change and grow on a daily basis. So far, she is just a fun, cuddly, happy baby who lets me sleep most of the night... Can you believe it? Me neither!

D-Day still seams pretty surreal. Going to the hospital with my mom and dad just seemed like another doctor visit until I stepped foot in the operating room. My amazing and gracious doctor allowed both of my parents to be in the room (even though the hospital usually only allows one person) and it was such a blessing for them to be there. Since I had a drape three inches in front of my face during the c-section, all I could do is listen to what was going on and watch my parents faces as they witnessed Little Lady coming into the world. She put on quite the show too!

From the accounts of my doctor and parents, Caleneigh came out waving. Although it's a cute story to tell,  seeing an arm first is actually one of the worst things to happen during child birth because it means the baby is completely sideways and you can't pull her out by her arm as it will break or dislocate. So after what felt like a deep cleaning of my rib cage, Caleneigh came out into the world. It turned out that she had been transverse because the cord had been wrapped around her neck for sometime. The process of getting her out took about half an hour and my doctor said it was one of the most challenging c-sections she had ever had. I hope that isn't a foreshadowing of any kind... My dad was able to cut the umbilical cord, something he hadn't done since I was born...

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It is hard to describe the feelings that came over me when I first heard her cry. That was my Little Lady screaming and whimpering. As cliche as it sounds, it really was music to my ears. I wasn't able to hold her right away since I was still being sewn up, but the nurse brought her to me. It was all a blur, literally, since I was overcome with emotions as reality finally set in that I was a mother and this was my daughter. I was warned that there was nothing that could prepare me for how quickly and deeply I would fall in love with that baby, and it was absolutely true... I was in love at first sight.

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While I was in the recovery room working off the meds, my mom took Little Lady for an afternoon at the spa, or so I call it. She was weighed, washed and got her hair did before being bundled up and brought back to me.

I stayed in the hospital for four days and was graciously visited by my loving step-father, aunt, cousin, church friends, and even my English professor from this last semester. My favorite and most helpful visitors were of course my parents, the newly titled "Nana" and "Papa" who were there every day for hours on end.

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It's only been a week, but I fall in love with my Little Lady more and more every day. I take pictures of her hourly and I think my lips have a magnetic connection to her chubby cheeks as I can't stop giving her kisses... Not that I want to stop! It's so much fun to have her in my life (although I am still trying to catch up on some sleep) and can't wait for the continued adventures and memories to be built.

Falling In Love and Falling Asleep,

D

Baby D's Debut

I will post much more about the happenings of D-Day in the near future. For now, I am happy to announce that she has arrived and is healthy and happy as am I.

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Stay tuned for many more stories and pictures! No longer expecting and expressing... I'm now enjoying every day full of bird chirps and baby burps.

Over-joyed and Under-rested,

D

One Final Pre-Motherhood Reflection

This morning, I am anxious. Not anxious like panic-y, but anxious/excited. I know all too well what I can expect from today, but beyond that I've got nothing. It's like a fog that only allows you to see to the end of the block and then keeps you blind past that until you approach.

Motherhood is my blind spot. I suppose it is for every woman the first time around. I am so grateful for the opportunity I have for it to be revealed to me over the coming years. I can't wait (tho I have) to meet Baby D. I know last night was my final chance to get a good night's rest, but it was like the ultimate Christmas Eve as a kid and I found myself more restless than ever. I'm excited to see what packaging the Lord has decided to wrap my sweet little spirit in; what she'll look like, sound like.

More than anything, I am so humbled to have been blessed with the honor and opportunity to raise one of Heavenly Father's choice spirits in these latter-days. I am not perfect, and I am not the best qualified, but my answered prayers have assured me that like every other aspect of my life, the Lord will pick up the slack when I fall short if I only ask for His hand after trying my hardest. For this I am eternally grateful.

Hopeful and Humbled,

D

Starting At 100

As many of you now know, I am expecting in December! I'm excited that today is officially 100 days until my due date (tho I realize the chances of Baby D arriving on that exact day are pretty slim). I found out in early June, but it took some time to gather family to let them all know at once. Announcement day came and went, and not only was it a great birthday lunch, but everyone was an amazing support to my surprise news.

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My last ultrasound was a blast! I trekked from the East Bay all the way to Roseville (passed Sacramento), but had the chance to see Baby D in 3D in realtime! It was truly AMAZING! I kept saying "Oh my!", "Wow!", "That's awesome!" and the tech commented that I must be really excited to be a mom. I told him I was, but at the moment I was more awed by the technology that allowed me to see Baby D, flabby arms, button nose, and all! Gender is inconclusive as of yet with the most recent verdict being "Today she is a girl, but I make no promises." Whatever that means...

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So this blog is here to document not only Baby D's first steps (eventually), but my first steps into Motherhood. It's also to keep my family and friends posted on my adventures when Baby D does decide to arrive and keep us all connected as I continue to travel as my move to DC is still in the plans for Spring of next year. For now, my blog URL is premature, but all too soon will reflect my daily endeavors and adventures. Feel free to comment as I would love to hear from you all.

Grateful, Grinning, and Growing!

D